The following post is the first in a series I wrote while I was pregnant; there are five entries in all and I will be posting them all here. I feel they are not as polished and certainly lack the experience I gained after having my baby girl, they are also more of a first hand account then what I am going for in my new series.
At 22 weeks I will never forget the day I found out I was pregnant. It started a couple weeks before I knew with my breasts being tender and a general “off” feeling. I was crampy which I thought was just my lactose intolerance acting up in a bad way or maybe the start of my cycle which was getting a little late — but I didn’t think anything of it. Not until I woke up one morning and had to make a line backers dash to the bathroom. Not normally one to throw up; even if I had the flu I was a little worried. It was only 7am and my body was telling me to wake up and throw up.
I always kept a test or two on hand; we were not trying but my cycle is seriously messed up and came roughly every two months (Even with birth control) and sometimes I’d take one just to reassure myself it was coming. Since moving I had lost the instruction booklet but knew how to take one and so I quickly did. More so to reassure myself this wasn’t happening then anything….But then the unfamiliar symbol appeared. This wasn’t the result I had gotten every other time…this was something new. I had moved back in with my parents to save some money to try to go to college so I rushed downstairs to my Mom’s room and woke her up; that’s another thing burned lovingly into my memory; she’s not one to be woken up early so when I said “Mom you’ve got to read this” she tried to wave me off until a decent hour; until I told her it was a pregnancy test. I have not seen my Mom get up that fast in a long, long time. Still makes me laugh thinking about it. She had no clue what it meant, but said when she took the test with me she didn’t even do it right but it appeared right away; the same thing I had happen.
All I can say is thank goodness for the internet and the fact that Clear Blue has the instruction manual available for download on their site. (So if you ever need the instructions, keep that in mind) Well the .pdf confirmed what I was thinking…I was going to have a baby!!!
At this point it wasn’t even 8am yet; I wanted to get a second opinion and wouldn’t you know it; my doctor wasn’t open for another hour. The love of my life had already gone to work, so I couldn’t call him, and when I started looking stuff up online I just got nervous and happy and panicky at the same time. That honestly was one of the longest hours of my life…when I finally did get a hold of my doctor’s office and explained the situation to them they were able to squeeze me in for an early appointment at 9:30 which I practically teleported myself to. Of course this was the same day as a huge busy period of work so I had to come clean with my boss that morning on the way to the doctor; we were supposed to meet together at 10am and I KNEW that was something I wasn’t going to be able to do.
I was a nervous wreck sitting at that office; I didn’t really know what to do…then when all was said and done and the doctor came in to see me…well that was the start of the rest of my life. Leaving the office a nurse said congratulations and I literally danced my way out of the office. Terrified, excited, and full of a feeling I still can’t explain.
Getting into my car I didn’t know what to do; who should I call?!? My love was still at work; I had missed his break and didn’t want to bother him…not even sure how to break the news to him. We hadn’t been together that long at this point….Best of friends for years but only just recently started dating.
First I called my paternal Grandmother…I still don’t know why I called her first but I still am happy I did. She was always a huge part of my life even with the distance we had living in different places and something just made me call her; maybe I knew she would be the most excited; most understanding; easiest to tell…whatever reason it was the right one.
Getting home I told my Mom it was confirmed; with a sheepish laugh she told me she had already called my maternal Grandparents and told them, so I knew the entire family already knew and that made me feel a lot better. I called them to confirm; my Papa tried to act surprised but I knew he knew and we joked about Mom breaking the news like she did when I got my first visit from my “Aunty”. There is nothing in our family that doesn’t warrant a phone call to start what I call the “Phone Tree” being activated. Mom calls Grandparents; Nana calls EVERYONE else.
When I got off the phone and started to go about my ‘normal’ day at work as a PlayStation Field Representative I got the normal lunch time call from my man…and told him the great news. I wasn’t aware how petrified I was of telling him until I did; and since I can’t keep a secret like this to save my life I blurted it out as soon as I said hello. He was just as happy as me…if not happier.
Since we could not pinpoint my last cycle accurately; or as precise as the Doctor would have liked – I was scheduled for a “dating” ultrasound that day. Again, waiting for that ultrasound seemed to take forever but when my Mom and I were told to go in again I felt panic forming. Was this really happening? Was I really going to have a baby? Suddenly everything I had done in the last couple months came into my mind; the night me and my hunny had a couple of drinks; the fact that I had started smoking again, the camping trip when we got more than a little toasted…I was a nervous wreck. They couldn’t see the baby using the ultrasound technology by putting it on my belly; so unfortunately they had to go inside. As uncomfortable as that was the second I heard the baby’s heartbeat I started to cry happy tears, when my Mom said “I see the baby” I started to ball even harder.
There it was…proof that I was going to be a Mom…something I had always wanted but due to a car accident as a teen told was never going to happen…I was going to be a Mom.