National Blog Post Month Day 1 – Lonely

@wordpressdotcom: NaBloPoMo is here! Need some inspiration?

When was the last time you felt truly lonely?

I have to be honest, I haven’t felt truly lonely in a long time. When Logan and I met and became friends I always had someone to talk to. Someone to just log on with and kill hundreds of innocent Husks and other NPC’s with. Sure in the early months we didn’t connect as much, it took a long time to build that relationship but at the same time I can’t remember a single instance since we met where I couldn’t count on him for something.

When we got pregnant I was sent away to Vancouver for a bit with work. We talked as much as humanly possible but it was a pretty extensive workload in between bouts of horrible killing morning sickness. Being over 1100km’s away from him and my family was hard… But I was 16 weeks pregnant, I was never alone. I had the Padawan to keep me company, and ever since September 9th 2010 I have never felt truly alone.

Now feeling lonely is possible in a crowded room, of all people I know that very well. Before Logan I always felt alone, in relationships friendly and other wise, some times even with family. I didn’t feel like I fit in anywhere and that is a very lonely feeling. I am usually the one who hates sappy writing that feels like the writer is trying to shove their happiness down your throat, sometimes though that’s what a topic brings out in you. Today I could use this writing prompt to spin a great yarn of loneliness and betrayal, but that is so far removed from my realm of knowledge it wouldn’t feel right.

I know my husband doesn’t read my blog unless the title interests him/if he sees it, but he means so much to me and our family, he probably doesn’t know how much he meant to me before we became a family with just the two of us; and he may not know how much he means to us as a family… But he should. I try to tell him how grateful I am for him every day, if anything ever happened to him I would be a very lonely lady. I’d have my family and his family, our daughter, but without him I can’t even imagine what life would be like.

I think it would be soul crushing agony filled with a loneliness never before experienced by myself. Even realizing that makes me have a lot more respect for anyone who has ever lost a spouse and not remarried. My Granny, my Mother-In-Law… It’s not common now for people to stay single after a death. To me no one could ever take Logan’s place by my side.


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