Don’t read this. You’re not going to like it.

I’m going to mention… If you are reading this it was not an easy choice to publish it. I will warn you now of a vast topic shift. Anger and hate. Religion gets brought up and if you are a Pro-God type of person you REALLY are not going to like this. These are my beliefs at this rage induced fog and I do not wish to get into defending what I think so I will not. This is a take it or leave it. Offer words of compassion or leave. Read it through if you decide to, and bare with me because this is a raw. Raw piece of work that will never get updated or edited or spoken of again.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.


Mom, I got a tattoo!
Is probably at the top of almost every moms list of “Things I never want to hear”, me, I’m indifferent. Completely indifferent as having any other view would be extremely hypocritical on my part. As I’ve written about in the past, I have four tattoos currently, and I got started fairly young….with no plans on stopping.

Recently one of my top bands – The Dropkick Murhpy’s released a new CD with a song on it called “Rose Tattoo”. Rose happens to be my Mom’s middle name, and every time I hear it I can’t help but want her “Name written here in a rose tattoo

At this point however… I’m a tattoo snob. Or maybe worried a lot more about what others see on the surface. This town isn’t exactly open minded, which is fine, but I plan on being here for a bit and I know what small towns are like. None of my tattoos are visible if I’m wear pants and a full backed shirt so winter time I’m a perfectly respectable member of society. When the summer time comes, and I wear shorts and a tank top, my summer uniform, it is a completely different story. My Mother in Law told me to wear black tights to church when we had our daughter baptized, that way no one would see my blue heron.
“I don’t mind… But the Father might” she said. Let’s be honest, any sentence that starts with “I don’t mind…but” means “I really mind.”

But this is completely off the topic of how much the song rocks and was supposed to be about how much I love my tattoos and actually want to get many, many more.

More then likely it comes from something I don’t wish to think about, and working on this isn’t helping at all. It’s not keeping my mind busy enough, I don’t want to play games, I don’t want to do anything I want to rage, rage against the sheer injustice of life and how a cruel master science is. A single line of genetic code, a single segment, a fraction of a nothing, if formed incorrectly or simply not at all can cause astronomical harm to a person. Giving them no chance. If reincarnation is real, and each life you learn something, does that mean a person who is born paralyzed has to learn something? If your soul is who you are, but like an actor, and each body is a character if you will, why does one character have to suffer for the greater good of the soul?

If heaven is real what purpose is sending/creating a soul that will be lost in the blink of an eye? Will that soul be reborn in heaven and able to grow up…in heaven?

If god is merciful and just why can a baby be born with its insides out? If each creature is made by him… Was he drunk when he crafted some lives?

Science is no comfort. Random sequences of events sparked by evolution? Life is what we make of it and the only thing that controls our future is us… No fate, no after life. Just living our lives as we see fit. We have created the locks that surround us but we need the walls to fence us in and protect us from ourselves.

Even if god does exist, by giving us free will so be could watch our antics as his little science experiment or “For our own good to be in control of ourselves” he condemned us all.

But that still doesn’t answer the question…

Why would he allow a child to be born with no quality of life? Or does he allow babies to be born that need dramatic surgery to help us advance ourselves with modern medicine. We only create a solution to problems we have… Maybe he knows we are ready, so he lets the child come into being to bring us hope and a future.

Even modern medicine can’t take away all pain, it doesn’t allow a child to live a normal life. Most people would say “But the child doesn’t know what a normal life is, it was born that way” and I do agree, but in some cases…a child born paralyzed completely, needing a bag to move it’s bowels… Watching the world through eyes that may not even be able to blink? Yes my medical knowledge is nothing… But if your spine grows on the outside of your skin. What quality of life do you have?

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